Never give a golfer an ultimatum unless you're prepared to lose.

Never advise anyone to go to war or to get married.

If you are looking for a kindly, well-to-do older gentleman who is no longer interested in sex, take out an ad in The Wall Street Journal.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires.

True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.

Maturity is the ability to do a job whether you're supervised or not; finish a job once it's started; carry money without spending it; and the ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

There is no end to the undeserved misery and mischief it could create.