Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.