The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.