The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.