Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.

When I'm around the kids I feel like I act the most grown-up just because you're supposed to. And I say things, like every other day, that remind me of my own parents.

The fact that you can see a movie at home, it's great. You're making it for as many people to see it as possible. And that's nice.

I bought my parents some stuff. That feels kind of good to be able to do that. I got them a place in Florida. I think I'm allowed to say that - I hope my dad doesn't get mad at me. But I don't spend money on myself. I don't like myself enough yet. But the people I love, I like spending the cash on them.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.

I read to my kid, but I can't stand reading.