I love it when I come across a word I don't know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren't smart enough to come along with me.

Real success and accomplishment, at whatever it is you are passionate about, requires real work. Real sacrifice. Real disappointment. Real failure. And it requires the ability to scrape your sorry ass up off the floor, stumble to your feet, wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.

I like grown up comedy.

I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way. I don't want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.

Sometimes the mistake I see people make is thinking that they're always going to be up, and I think that's impossible for anyone.

I love it when I come across a word I don't know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren't smart enough to come along with me.

I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.