I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.

I started out being a stand up and writing my own material. That took me to Talk Soup, where I was writing and performing for TV. So everything is all the same job in my eyes, and I don't want to ever give up any part of it. I will say that stand-up is my first love; it's how I got started and is in my bones.

I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like, "Trust me, you don't want to have to actually interact with these people."

The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.

I'm my own boss and my boss is a total ass.

I'm black, and black don't crack. It does droop.

Sometimes the mistake I see people make is thinking that they're always going to be up, and I think that's impossible for anyone.