Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

I mean, I hate to gloat, but I'm extremely satisfied with my position in life and the way things have worked out for me.

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you.

That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.

I've always known that if I recorded an album, it would come out, and people would enjoy it! Whereas if I wrote a movie script, chances are better than even that I'd just be another guy in L.A. with a movie script in his drawer.

Velvet Elvis never puts on weight.