Boys like Peter are afraid of alot of things, like nuclear annihilation and flunking algebra, but they're not afraid of wolves.

Velvet Elvis never puts on weight.

What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?

Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month.

When I was a kid, I thought I was going to be an architect, because when I was 12 years old I had a guidance counselor that convinced me that that was the best career choice for me.

My personal taste doesn't enter into it a lot when I make my decisions as to what to parody.

That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.