The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds, kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden, English bohemians sit in cold orderly rows, like carrots.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.