Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren't called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)

There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when you get in?

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.

10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?