Sometimes we have to put our foot down, ... but before we deliberately make children unhappy in order to get them to get into the car, or to do their homework or whatever, we need to weigh whether what we're doing to make it happen is worth the possible strain on our relationship with them.
Alfie KohnIf unconditional love and genuine enthusiasm are present, praise isn't necessary. If they're absent, praise won't help.
Alfie KohnHow can we do our best when we are spending our energies trying to make others lose - and fearing that they will make us lose?
Alfie KohnIf I offered you a thousand dollars to take off your shoes, you'd very likely accept--and then I could triumphantly announce that 'rewards work.' But as with punishments, they can never help someone develop a *commitment* to a task or action, a reason to keep doing it when there's no longer a payoff.
Alfie Kohn