Unconditional parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason.

In some suburban schools, the curriculum is chock-full of rigorous A.P. courses and the parking lot glitters with pricey SUVs, but one doesn't have to look hard to find students who are starving themselves, cutting themselves, or medicating themselves, as well students who are taking out their frustrations on those who sit lower on the social food chain.

Assessments should compare the performance of students to a set of expectations, never to the performance of other students.

We can't value only what is easy to measure; measurable outcomes may be the least important results of learning.

What is wrong with encouraging students to put "how well they're doing" ahead of "what they're doing." An impressive and growing body of research suggests that this emphasis (1) undermines students' interest in learning, (2) makes failure seem overwhelming, (3) leads students to avoid challenging themselves, (4) reduces the quality of learning, and (5) invites students to think about how smart they are instead of how hard they tried.

If unconditional love and genuine enthusiasm are present, praise isn't necessary. If they're absent, praise won't help.

When we do things that are controlling, whether intentional or not, we are not going to get those long-term outcomes.