What most people don't understand is that UFOs are on a cosmic tourist route. That's why they're always seen in Arizona, Scotland, and New Mexico. Another thing to consider is that all three of those destinations are good places to play golf. So there's possibly some connection between aliens and golf.

The boy's got problems, the boy's got stress, the boy's got a .38 hidden in his desk.

Old enough to be drafted but not old enough to vote.

Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll is easy. True christianity…that's rebellion.

If you get earaches, I'd turn my volume down a notch or two for you. Cause I will do anything for you.

When I was a kid and my parents started talking about politics, I'd run to my room and put on the Rolling Stones as loud as I could. So when I see all these rock stars up there talking politics, it makes me sick... If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons. We sleep all day, we play music at night and very rarely do we sit around reading the Washington Journal.

If zipper catches skin, I'll know I had it out when I should a kept it in.