She gets a hundred for her body and a nickel for her soul.

I mean, I could go ahead and cut my head off in the guillotine, and it looks great, ... Well, now you turn on CNN and guys are really getting their heads cut off. ... As insane as our fantasy world gets, it's nowhere near as scary as reality.

They should invent some way to tape-record your dreams. I've written songs in my dreams that were Beatles songs. Then I'd wake up and they'd be gone.

What most people don't understand is that UFOs are on a cosmic tourist route. That's why they're always seen in Arizona, Scotland, and New Mexico. Another thing to consider is that all three of those destinations are good places to play golf. So there's possibly some connection between aliens and golf.

Golf is the crack of sports. If you hit five good shots, you know you can hit six good shots. The next time you hit six good shots, you know you can hit seven.

Women on the streets want money when we meet. I take them for a little ride, chop, chop, chop.

Every single night, there seemed to be the same seven or eight guys - Harry Nilsson, myself, Mickey Dolenz, Bernie Taupin, Keith Moon when he was in town. It was actually sort of a social club - drinking club - for rock stars that drank - seriously drank.