I haven't really got much get up and go. I can't believe I'm on the telly. I'm so lazy.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

You should never meet your heroes. Paul Newman... I was so excited about meeting him, but he turned up in shell suit bottoms, slippers, and a jumper. He was just so worn out and old, he wanted to go home.

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.

I haven't really got much get up and go. I can't believe I'm on the telly. I'm so lazy.