I haven't really got much get up and go. I can't believe I'm on the telly. I'm so lazy.

The whole business of smoking is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off.

I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself.

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

If you go on stage with the wrong attitude, or something in your performance is off, you can lose an audience in the first minute. That first minute is crucial.