I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

Wouldn’t that be an incredibly stupid thing to do? To say ‘I never want to smoke again’, then spend the rest of your life saying ‘I’d love a cigarette.’ That’s what smokers who use the Willpower Method do. No wonder they feel so miserable. They spend the rest of their lives desperately moping for something that they desperately hope they will never have.

I think over there in Montreal they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them.

The whole business of smoking is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off.

You should never meet your heroes. Paul Newman... I was so excited about meeting him, but he turned up in shell suit bottoms, slippers, and a jumper. He was just so worn out and old, he wanted to go home.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.