I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration.

Wouldn’t that be an incredibly stupid thing to do? To say ‘I never want to smoke again’, then spend the rest of your life saying ‘I’d love a cigarette.’ That’s what smokers who use the Willpower Method do. No wonder they feel so miserable. They spend the rest of their lives desperately moping for something that they desperately hope they will never have.

I've met Nicole Kidman, Elton John, loads of people.

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

I think over there in Montreal they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them.