A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.

Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.

Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.

I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.

I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.

I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more time and I never looked back, although it was nice to have a steady paycheck and benefits.

I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.