In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.

I could always make people laugh.

I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more time and I never looked back, although it was nice to have a steady paycheck and benefits.

There's always something that's going to kill us all. A few years ago, tomatoes were going to kill us and a few years before that it was spinach. The FDA is run by a 7-year-old kid that hates vegetables!

The difference, generally speaking, between sportbike people and cruiser people is that sportbike people like performance skill and wear safety gear; cruisers like chrome, noise, and style. It's funny to me to separate them because I ride both. I prefer performance cruisers like the Honda Valkyrie I had or my Triumph Rocket III.

We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.

Latinos outnumber Black people now. I'm not too happy about it. Because it's only a matter of time before we lose our month. Soon as they figure it out, they're going to have Latino History Month. All we're going to have is Cinco de Negro.