Basting is evil. Basting does nothing for the meat. Why? Skin. Skin is designed to keep stuff out of the bird, so basting just lets heat out of the oven. That means the turkey will take longer to cook... so don't touch that door!

The only unitasker allowed in my kitchen is a fire extinguisher.

I don't like to be polarizing. It's not who I am.

Believe me, a grain is a terrible thing to waste.

Seriously. I'm not very bright, and it takes a lot for me to get a concept - to really get a concept. To get it enough that it becomes part of me. But when it happens I get real excited about it

Lumps are caused by one thing and one thing alone - the improper addition of a starch.

Laughing brains are more absorbent.