CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.

MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.

NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own.