Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.

Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.

MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman.

Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.