MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.
Ambrose BierceLEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.
Ambrose BierceIntroduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
Ambrose BierceLECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
Ambrose BierceMarriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Ambrose BierceBe as decent as you can. Don't believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect — don't have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Ambrose Bierce