Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

LIAR, n. One who tells an unpleasant truth.

Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.

CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.

Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.

GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.

Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.