Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.

Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.

COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own.

Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground.