MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.

A penny saved is a penny to squander.

Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.