MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.

Woman absent is woman dead.

DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

Philanthropist, n.: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.