Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.

Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient

CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.

READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and humor in slang.

Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.