Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

RIMER, n. A poet regarded with indifference or disesteem.

Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.

There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.