Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.

REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.

REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.