Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language.

HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines, who believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. Herod of Judea, all the famous soldiers have been practical exponents of the Malthusian idea.

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.