Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.

Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen.

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.