Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.

ENVY, n. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.

Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.

REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.