PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.

FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.

Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.