MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.