REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.

RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

R.I.P. A careless abbreviation of "requiescat in pace", attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than "reductus in pulvis".

Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.