War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.

Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.

LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.