War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.

Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.

RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself.

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.

HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.