ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.

PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.

For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.

PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system - an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males.

GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.