Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be.

PIG, n. An animal ("Porcus omnivorus") closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.

We must stop chasing dollars, stop lying, stop cheating, stop ignoring art, literature, and all the refining agencies and instrumentalities of civilization.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.

Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.