Very neat for a boy; always cleaned up his mess, no matter where he got it on me. He's Hispanic, so he's like, 'Now who's the wetback?' I'm like, 'Hey, still you. Get back in the kitchen, those dishes aren't going to do themselves.

Comedy isn't really something where you get discovered. You can't network your way to being funny or talented. It's not hard to get seen if you're funny. If you're funny, talented, and work hard, you will go somewhere.

You shoot saltwater in your ass?

I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you, and I thank you.

I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.

I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.

I only wear heels when it's 100-percent required, and even sometimes not then. I have to talk myself into a bra. I've done an hour of standup where I've been like, "I don't have to wear a bra tonight." If you're going to be on camera, you have to get it together, but other than that, I am pretty lazy as a woman.