I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.

I care about what the people I care about think about me. It's a short list, but I really care about what those people think.

I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can't imagine a time when I won't want to do that. But, who knows?

I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody's being evicted.

I call myself a comic.But I started as an actress. I did plays since I was 5.

He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.

Out of nowhere she tells me that Oliver Stone - you know, the director - she's like, 'He has this huge Asian fetish, and I find it totally offensive.' And I'm like, 'Why, Kwan? That sounds awesome.' She's like, 'I'm offended because I'm Asian.' And I was just like, 'Well, I'm sorry, but I didn't even notice that. I thought you were just really tired.