Song "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" is actually about syphilis.

My mom's always saying really smart things... like, you probably heard this one, 'Why buy the cow when the milk has HPV?' Wish I'd listened to that one.

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna!

Every woman deals with sexism most every day of their lives. Growing up, it's just in your day-to-day. There are all these preconceived notions of what it means to be a woman or a girl, and straying from those ideas of femininity is sort of shocking to people. I felt angered by that as a kid. I felt like that was unjust. Like that was not right.

To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see.

The kids didn't call me Amy Schumer; they called me Amy Jewmer. One summer, I'll never forget this, all the kids took turns throwing handfuls of pennies at me. I know, I was like, 'Excuse me - this is awesome!