Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it.

I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.

I can't imagine going to an all-girls school. I went to a public school.

I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.

I like to play unattractive people who think they're pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting.

I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.

If you cannot come to the party, do not cancel at the last minute or give a message to a child to inform the host. And don't bother explaining why you can't attend because anything after 'because' is bullshit.