If Lady Gaga didn't put on all those outfits, she probably wouldn't have made it in show business. She put a show behind her voice.

I make people laugh hard; I'm a comic, that's just the way it is. And I make them laugh because I'm funny, not because I'm filthy. The subject matter is dirty, but the pictures I paint are really funny. A lot of comics don't understand that that's what it's about. It's just, "I'll be dirty and they'll laugh." Nobody's becoming a superstar that way.

Anything that I wanted to do in my career that I wanted to do always worked out. The stuff I got talked into always failed. All the stuff I was talked into, by brilliant managers, because it always came down to, "Know how much money you'll make?" And then it would just fail.

Women today leave the house in animal prints and six inch stilettos, what does that say? I'm going to church? They're saying I want you to hang me by my tits from your ceiling and bite my ass. You know what I mean? That's what it says to me anyway.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.

I just like to make people laugh.