When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.

Anybody can go onstage and be dirty. You have to be funny, that's the key. You can say anything as long as it's funny. You can't take it too seriously up there. And people coming to see you can't take it too seriously.

Life is like sex, baby - the more you put in, the more you get out. End of story.

I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic.

There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that's what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho attitude towards delivering material.

I always believed you could fix whatever problems.

Anything that I wanted to do in my career that I wanted to do always worked out. The stuff I got talked into always failed. All the stuff I was talked into, by brilliant managers, because it always came down to, "Know how much money you'll make?" And then it would just fail.