I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!

I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler.

Why does Louis CK get named Comedy Person of the Year? I should be named Comedy Person of the Year just so I can parlay it into another few weeks of road work.

Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.

Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.