My friend taught me this one. You take the heel of your hand, you can shove someone's nose right through their brain. I can't even watch someone blow their nose. If I'm in a fight, I'm not gonna be shoving or poking, I'm gonna be running or begging - that's my two choices, right there.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffett concert.

I was in Philadelphia - a very angry town, Philadelphia. I've never seen a town like this. It's supposed to be the City of Brotherly Love - like when my brother was 12 and I was nine, and he would lean on my shoulder and dangle spit in my face.