I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!
Andy KindlerWhenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.
Andy KindlerNow we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.
Andy KindlerJewish people, we don't believe in Hell or a future place to suffer. We're suffering right now. Every one of our holidays celebrates how much we've suffered. Passover - we're celebrating 5,000 years ago, God passed over our houses and murdered all the Egyptians. We're celebrating, 'Hey, thank God we didn't get slaughtered.
Andy Kindler