Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.

Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny.

I don't believe in burning holy books, but I am organizing a protest. I'll be burning all my Dennis Miller VHS cassettes as a special protest. I don't want to hear the introduction 'you may have seen our next comedian on the Hannity show'.

Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.

Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.