Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.

I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.

Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.

They shouldn't call anything a boot camp unless you're going off to war. Standup boot camp has been a fantastic thing, for the people putting it on. They keep you out in the woods and won't let you come back until you're funny. Lenny Bruce came up with his Religions Inc. bit on a day hike.

Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.