We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States.

I'm a problem-solver, and you're welcome.

There are always going to be Muslim atrocities! Whenever the media starts obsessing with ISIS, I think you're hiding something.

Why not go to war just for oil? We need oil. What do Hollywood celebrities imagine fuels their private jets? How do they think their cocaine is delivered to them?

A word to those of you out there who have yet to be offended by something I have said: Please be patient. I am working as fast as I can.

Even Obama's staunchest supporters are starting to leave him. Last week Michelle Obama demanded to see a copy of his birth certificate.

Clinton masturbates in the sinks.